wake up

i was particularly struck by the words of this arcade fire song today:

Wake Up

Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I’m older,
my heart’s colder,
and I can see that it’s a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don’t grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little god’s causin rain storms
Turnin’ every good thing to rust.

I guess we’ll just have to adjust.

With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’ to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.

With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am goin’
With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’
I can see where I am go-goin’

You better look out below!

like all good poems - it can't truly be explained line by line. but overall there is this simple honesty that fills me with hope. the recognition that whatever you thought before that brought you to this place of coldness can be shed. 'wake up'. 'hold your mistake up'.

county down

i set off for downpatrick this morning armed with some vague instructions and the forecast of a lovely day. the good thing about driving in ireland is that really you just need to know the town you're heading to and the ones inbetween - then follow any sign pointing in that direction. one of the fun parts of driving in northern ireland is that they use mph and my car only has kph - so i have no idea what i'm supposed to be driving. ah well. :) i had pulled over early on to take some photographs and as i was about to head on, a lady honked at me. i thought i'd done something wrong but she was wanting my help to get to kilkeel. i checked my map and gave her directions. and she was irish. :)

i think i'm going to have to give up the computer soon, so i'll be brief...i got to see the saint patrick visitor centre and the downpatrick cathedral & cemetery where saint patrick is buried. the centre was surprisingly well done. after that i visited the ruins of inch abbey and then tried to find a dolmen west of ballynahinch, but the road i needed was closed and i couldn't figure out another way, so i headed back east to newcastle. on my way i stopped a few times for sheep. there are loads of lambs and they're so adorable. if it was easier to stop along the road more, i would. newcastle is along the coast, so i walked the promenade for a bit and then treated myself to some ice cream -- blackcurrant & cream. seriously?? so good.

this evening i walked through the park again. there are some marvelous trees. i didn't take my camera w/ me b/c sometimes i like to be free. just me walking. but now i might have to wake up early and go for a short walk again so i can take pictures of some of the trees i saw. then, i sat on a hill overlooking the loch. and watching the mountains and water in the gloaming. *sigh*

so now tomorrow i'll be heading up to cushendall and after that rathlin island.

arrived.

so things had originally been set for me to arrive in dublin yesterday. but due to strange weather in atlanta, delta cancelled my flight on monday and booked me on one for tuesday. certainly not my happiest moment, but now that i'm here, i can only look forward. so tuesday morning i flew instead to jfk airport where i got to hang out for six hours awaiting my flight to dublin. an elderly welsh man saw my hiking bag and noticed my welsh flag patch and came over to chat with me for a moment. on the flight, i was seated by a lovely couple around my age. the husband is irish and the wife is american - californian to be exact. we talked a fair amount and had some things in common. they ended up giving me their phone #s as he works with the police so could help me out if i need anything. they even shared a bit of their easter candy with me. all in all the flight was good (except for not getting to sleep).

driving to rostrevor from the airport wasn't too bad. though i did have a false start off the lot when the car kept beeping at me and i couldn't figure out why, so i turned back only to have the guy note that i hadn't let up the emergency brake fully. nice.

the weather today has been overcast and rainy, but i was able to go on a brief walk mid-morning and after tea this evening without getting too wet. for those of you who helped with my camera bag rain cover -- it's holding up grand! the people here at the christian renewal centre are lovely, really going out of their way to make me feel at home. and i have a room facing the loch.



tomorrow i think it's to be nice out. and i plan to drive up to downpatrick and check out some saint patrick sites. and so the adventure begins! i hope i sleep well tonight. my mind's been a bit dodgy all day. please keep me and my little car in your prayers!! :)

not much

i was sitting on my back porch tonight, well after the sun went down. the sky was deep purple. the dark greyish sort that is still definitely purple. the night sky is a strange, illusive thing. normally blackish-blue or navy. but sometimes there is another hue, like purple or a strange teal. but it's just a hint. you have to be sitting there looking at it to see.

whenever i sit outside by myself - especially at night - it's like i'm in a moment connected to a succession of previous moments like that one, where i'm sitting on a back porch or front porch, not looking at anything particularly beautiful and yet there's that bit of sky there and the way the neighbour's light is glinting off the silver wind chimes in my yard. and i'm not one for talking on the phone, but there are a few friends with whom i can chat and it's those whom i call at times like this and even when i can't reach them, it's like they're sitting there with me and the conversations we've had before are hanging from the branches of the trees.

it's not much. but it's nice.

yet

it's funny because patience isn't necessarily easy for me, but i am intrigued by "not yet". it's one of my favourite things about traveling -- saving something for next time. four years ago when i was last in ireland, i finally made it to the connemara region north of galway. i'd written a story in college set there, but hadn't yet seen it for myself. the day i went was overcast and as the region is all hills, i missed out on part of its glory, yet...that meant there was more for another time. this time, i'll have a few days to check out the area, so hopefully i'll catch a clearer glimpse.



the other day i had a thought, which seemed like a perfect quote. so i figured it already was one and i was just remembering it. i googled it and found nothing. which at least means it's not a very famous quote if it is already a quote. i know the concept has been noted before, but perhaps not this phrasing...

the story isn't over until the end.

yes - it can be taken rather trite, but isn't that because it's true?

some recent old favourites

so i've been scanning and uploading pictures from my last trip to ireland & the uk (feb/mar 2005) and coming across some photographs that i'd forgotten about. here are a few of my new old favourites.


a lovely missing (york)

i remembered this one, just hadn't seen it in a long while as i'd lent my album to a friend so she could use the pictures as inspiration for her painting. but the more i look at it the more i love it. it was part of a temporary exhibit in the yorkshire museum gardens. i'm now trying to hunt down more information on it (artist, title, etc). it intrigues me. there's something so simple and so lovely about it. and i'm glad for the b&w which accentuates the simplicity of line.


a place to remember (edinburgh)

this one, i don't really recall. i definitely remember the greyfriars kirkyard where i took it. and the strange cold rainy/snowy afternoon i spent there. i remember not taking many pictures, though there were many interesting gravestones and the green grass was glowing in the strange light of the overcast day. but this picture pleases me. perhaps one of my favourite cemetery pictures (and cemeteries are a common subject of mine). there's something in this composition, this almost looking over the 'shoulder' of the gravestone that gives a sense of closeness. a surprising embrace of sorts. oh, and it was fun to realise that it was exactly four years ago today that i took this picture.

an upcoming third

my third venture to ireland is six weeks away. i started writing "trip" but that didn't seem apt enough, so i thought 'venture' but then wasn't sure if i meant 'adventure' or if 'venture' is correct. so i checked good old webster.

ven⋅ture: an undertaking involving uncertainty as to the outcome, esp. a risky or dangerous one;
speculation in which something is risked in the hope of profit

that may sound a bit dramatic for vacation. but there is a risk in seeking rest and rejuvenation. i often don't dare to claim it because i fear it may not be as good as i hope. i may not be refreshed, rejuvenated, restored. what if i just feel the same when it's over?

my first venture to ireland was from sep-dec 2001. besides beginning just days before 'september 11', there was plenty of uncertainty, plenty of change. but all the time, money, and comfort i risked definitely paid off in richer dividends than can be shown on a bank statement or resume. probably the most educational four months of my life. i got my 3rd tattoo to commemorate this time--to "remember" what the LORD did, who He showed Himself to be.

four years later, my second venture lasted two months [feb-mar 2005]. this time i risked a bit more in regards to what could be considered folly -- taking a break from my job to spend money travelling in the midst of trying to save for my upcoming move to los angeles. but again the daring paid off. among other things, my first photography show.

and now, again four years have passed and i'm heading back. this time i will only be there for three weeks. but this time i will also only be in ireland (the other two times i spent part of the time in the uk). and i won't be staying with any friends, just me wandering around ireland. and i'm renting a car so i can go wherever, whenever and stop at any lovely sight i see.

i can't wait.