i was beginning to think californians were just too tense. the freeways really aren't THAT bad. the 405 is not evil incarnate. i'm beginning to realize that is because usually i'm driving on it at like 2am with five to ten other people. we can usually all have our own lanes. or if it is a more normal time - then, i haven't really had to be anywhere at a particular time - for work, say. or, when i did work, i was lucky enough to be going the direction on the particular freeway that only perhaps 25% of the city was going. rather than the 110% that all want to use the same route as me, which i have experienced this past week. the film i'm working on is using a sound stage down in marina del rey, which i think is only 20-30 miles southwest of me. however, i have to leave no later than 8am to arrive at 9:30am. it literally takes 30 minutes to move from the 405 exit ramp off the 101 onto the 405 itself. we're talking perhaps 1/4 of a mile. 30 minutes. i'm beginning to understand the frustration. :) and am trying to gear up for this next week when i'm supposed to be on set by 5:30am-ish. whew.
the film i'm working on is a low budget independent thriller feature, which means it will not necessarily be in the theatres. the people i'm working with seem pretty experienced and are all nice. the art department is pretty amazing - constructing the set in just a matter of days. it will be interesting to see it all fitted out with the furniture and lighting. the entire filmmaking process (and i've only been in part of the pre and will only be in some of the production) is interesting and extremely stressful. the script is well-written, but doesn't draw me in - i think b/c there's no real heart to it, no hope, no deeper truth - it's just a clever, intellectual thriller. nothing wrong with that, just not something i want to devote myself to, lose sleep over, stress over.
i know my decision to leave probably seems a bit weird to some of you - it's even kinda weird to me. :) it's still difficult to articulate clearly. i still LOVE movies, am fascinated by the process, plan to write and edit and create. i think part of what i've realized is that it's the process i love - but it has to be about things i care about or with people i care about. and it doesn't need to be on a grand scale. i've never been a "career" person. i think i convinced myself either i could adapt to the way things were here or be the one exception. but that's not reality - or at least not a reality i want to seek.
every day this week i have been happier and happier at the thought of home. and even kansas in general. i feel like i could start an ad campaign on the wonders of kansas. :)