even though things are now moving along as i would have wanted - i have realized within the past few days that this is in fact, not what i want. i'm glad that i came out here to cali, but i'm even more glad that i will be going home to kansas city. and yes, this is coming out of nowhere, kind of. i officially decided monday morning. it's not due to discouragement or anything like that - simply a change of heart. a bit humbling, but good.
when? i don't know exactly. yes - i will be visiting in may (had planned that before i had any idea about all this). but moving back will not be for a few months. december at the latest. what will i do? no clue. get a job, of course. but for once i have no idea what's next. and i think that will be a good challenge for me--that daily trust in God's leading.
whew. this whole thing has been quite an adventure. and i still have more to come.
i started reading roy hession's "the calvary road," which my friend kerry gave me a long time ago. it's amazing.
"dying to self is not a thing we do once for all. there may be an initial dying when God first shows these things, but ever after it will be a constant dying, for only so can the LORD Jesus be revealed constantly through us...the only life that pleases God and that can be victorious is His life - never our life, no matter how hard we try."